Monday, 29 February 2016


What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One's really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

D: 27.1km
A: 147m

PMPW: 89kg

Sunday, 28 February 2016


St Kilda East - SKCC Crit - St Kilda East:
After yesterday's power no show, I was a teensy bit nervous about today. I knew I wanted to get a roll around the White St circuit in, try out some new wheels/tyres and get a gauge to my fitness compared to others. In short the trauma of PVDP and Haigy treating me/us as after thoughts at HCC last month.

It turns out the fitness is alright. I wanted to just roll around and have a sprint at the end, but breaks kept going up the road, threatening to get out of sight and roll away with the win. I rolled a few hard turns in chases and bridging attempts, but there was either someone rolling too hot, or too many passengers as it was neigh on impossible to get anything working cleanly. Despite this, it was groupo compacto with 5 minutes to go, a sprint after all!

I'd put too much work in to think I'd beat Sammy Witmitz in a sprint, so I after confirming he was keen for a kick, I offered him a leadout. A couple more laps, some shuffling and reshuffling of positions and suddenly there were 4 guys off the front and no one pulling on the front of the bunch. I yelled at some people, but still no one pulled. I hummed, I hawwed, I stared intently at the backs of the riders heading away from us up the back straight, it was either a few seconds or a few years between when they had attacked, and when I eventually took it upon myself to shut the move down.

That was me out of the sprint, or even the leadout, but a nice effort to round out the best 60 mintues of power I've done for at least 18 months. 349W, which is still over 100W down on what Wiggo can punch out... I'll just add that to the list of things I can't do like the Brit (I can't grow sideburns either).

Strava link.

D: 66.5km
A: 132m

PMPW: 88kg

Saturday, 27 February 2016


St Kilda East - Mt Pleasant - Stony Creek - Pigeon Bank - Nicholas - Dawson - Long Gully - Flat Rock - St Kilda East:
On my way home I randomly ran into Lisa Jacobs who examined my roadie and declared there was definitely room for a motor in it. She's recently come back from racing XC in Europe, including the worlds, so if anyone is an expert, it's her.... but then again, my performance today suggested she was wrong. Not only did I lack a motor, but I lacked legs too.

Normally if I'm a bit off my cadence drops, instead of seeing 90-100rpm on climbs, my legs tick away at 70-80. Today I was seeing 50-60, and a lot more time out of the saddle than normal. It's possible it was the shenanigans of yesterday that did it, or maybe just a solid week in general. Either way I had to find joy in something other than speed, so it was lucky we hit some cracking roads, and I got to have a good chat with some mates.

If you've got to this point, it's possible your eyes have grazed over the stats below and wondered why I didn't go get a single meter more of climbing. Yeah, me too. I was halfway up the stairs to home, with a stopped GPS, when I saw how close I'd come. I considered restarting the computer and letting the barometer declare me higher than moments before... i decided against it, and hoped Strava would round up.

Strava link.

D: 116.1km
A: 1,999m

PMPW: 89kg

Friday, 26 February 2016


Friday Legendz:
I sort of wanted an easy ride... well I probably should have had an easy ride, but I wanted to hang out with mates, and when they attacked on the lumpy bits of the new Legendz loop, I continued to want to hang out with them, or you know... just in front of them.

Strava link.

D: 47.5km
A: 439m


D: 15.6km
A: 55m

PMPW: 88kg

Thursday, 25 February 2016


I went to the doctor today and he told me I had type A blood but it was a type O.

D: 31.4km
A: 88m

PMPW: 87kg

Wednesday, 24 February 2016


5:45am NRR Long:
I'm rarely unhappy about getting 100km in before work, and today was no exception. It's a number of kms that even when thought about as a car trip seems like an effort... and it was done on a bike before work. Sadly not a single person in the corridors of the office asked me how far I'd ridden today. No one even steered the conversation near the topic of riding, so I couldn't even take a wild leaping segue to bring it up.

It's not all bad though, for a start it was a nice session. Sure the pace down and back wasn't as hot as it could be, but both bay roads delivered what I was after. Pain.

The kid in the flouro helmet who's now riding for Rush... yeah, um, no idea his name... well he hit Canadian Bay hard from the start. Normally I'd let someone else chase, but I was hard on his wheel after being away with him and Andy Doorman in an unconvincing move from the top of Baden Powel. Anyway, he went hard, and I dug a very deep hole getting up to his wheel. He kicked, and then kicked again, then there was some more kicking, by the time we got to the last ramp to the top I was "down"... yet he kicked a couple more times. I'm no expert on ethics, but I believe this behaviour is frowned upon.

After exploding spectacularly on that second ramp of Canadian Bay, I was joined by some other riders for the descent to and start of Two Bays. I let someone else set the pace, and was pretty happy that it wasn't killing me. It hurt a bit, but you know, I figured that meant everyone else was hurting a little. Then a couple of blokes attacked, then Tommy Nankervis rolled through to chase. Somehow I ended up following Tommy's pace, a couple of riders providing a buffer between me and his wheel, but it was the pace that I needed a buffer on. By the final right hander I was cross eyed, and on the final left... I once again exploded spectacularly.

I do wonder if I could have perhaps held on for a few moments longer on either or both climbs. I wonder if I could have forced myself to pedal smoothly and eke out a few more moments of power, but it's done now and I'll pose that unanswered question to myself on Saturday.

Strava link.

D: 106.5km
A: 510m


D: 12.6km
A: 59m

PMPW: 88kg

Tuesday, 23 February 2016


Ricktastic Tuesday:
I have many thoughts, I have many feels, but it all boils down to the following.

I felt I needed a flogging. I got a flogging.

Afterwards I needed a couple of coffees, then after those another couple.

It was a solid crew, and other than the bunch splitting for a flat tyre on Rosewhite, a cracking session surrounded by like minded fellas. Now to work out how to get my KOMs back off of Ryan!

Strava link.

D: 56.4km
A: 679m


D: 14.1km
A: 77m

PMPW: 89kg

Monday, 22 February 2016


I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night. It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.

D: 26.6km
A: 184m

PMPW: 89kg

Sunday, 21 February 2016


My 2015 New Years resolution is to stop leaving things so late.

PMPW: 88kg

Saturday, 20 February 2016


Hell Ride:
Righteo, I need some more time at my limit because I don't like not being able to chase down riders and/or come over the top of everyone on the rollers to Mt Eliza.

We rolled out into a steady head cross, I found myself two up chatting on the front initially, then DK and Smax performed flyby that sucked the air out of my lungs. After that was chased back it was Joe Cooper's turn to kick away up the road. I went after that one, and soon found myself wondering when skinsuit/speedsuit Saturday became a thing. I'm not too sure who threw out the next attack, the bunch got a period of solid but steady tempo and I drifted back a few wheels to suck in the air. In fact the rest of the trip to Frankston blurs together in my memory, a little bit because I did nothing, mostly because we were flying along at 50km/h+ for most of it.

Strava link.

D: 96.3km
A: 388m

PMPW: 88kg

Friday, 19 February 2016


I swear millennials don't even know the classics. Today one asked me what E.T. is short for. Duh, because he has little legs!!

D: 28.1km
A: 143m

PMPW: 88kg

Thursday, 18 February 2016


St Kilda East - Mordialloc - Footscray:
I did a sneaky radar check under the covers at 5:15am. To my sleep filled eyes it was clear, and there wasn't any sound of rain on the roof, so I got up and ready for a bit of North road action.

By the time I got out the door there was a light drizzle. By the time 6am rocked around, it could probably have been described as rain. Given there were only 3 others in the service road, I decided to do my own thing rather than cop a face full of road grit flung from said riders wheels.

I rolled onto the highway, but I was actually working out where I could swing across to the beach, and thus head for a coffee or just to work when a bloke from the Mt Macedon ride I did a while ago, Tim, rolled up. I slotted myself on his outside, and we rolled two up threshold to Mordi, then a fraction easier back north until he chucked a u-bolt around Slackrock.

So it wasn't a super training session, and I got fair soaked, but now that I've had a few coffees and am into dry socks and jocks, I'm happy that I got out. All that's left is to wash all the road grit off my bike.

Strava link.

D: 56.4km
A: 195m


D: 12.6km
A: 56m

PMPW: 87kg

Wednesday, 17 February 2016


I suppose the rain this week is the price of all the nice weather we've had in the previous half dozen weeks. I'm not losing my shit yet, but given the forecast doesn't improve until the weekend, I can see myself getting tres angsty soon.

D: 30.6km
A: 146m

PMPW: 88kg

Tuesday, 16 February 2016


The doonah monster was unrelenting today. I got up at 5am and made it all the way to the dunny, but it reached out and dragged me back in with promises of staying dry and warm.

D: 25.7km
A: 120m

PMPW: 88kg

Monday, 15 February 2016


I swapped saddles on my road bike last week, with Saturday's jaunt north being the first ride out. Given that my hamstrings are still tight and a touch tender, I'm going to hazard a guess that I had it a mm or two too high.

Oh well, it's making time on the foam roller... "interesting".

PMPW: 88kg

Sunday, 14 February 2016


I get uneasy about elevators, I know it's not rational, but they make me nervous. Anyway I've decided not to confront the issue and instead have started taking steps to avoid them.

PMPW: 88kg

Saturday, 13 February 2016


St Kilda East - Iron Bark - Mine - Shaw - St Andrews - Nicholas - Carters - St Kilda East:
It was halfway up the final kicker of Plenty River Drive that I knew I was in for a fun and/or painful day. Jim rolled up next to me and stared deep into my eyes, maybe searching for a soul, maybe deciding if he wanted to eat me, but undoubtedly a challenge. I'd stood early to stretch my legs, and he took that for weakness, when he stood on the steepest pitch I hit him hard to let him know it wasn't.

Jim tried again on Iron Bark, half wheeling me early, then cracking a bit due to a miscalculation. Just as his reversing lights went on and I breathed a mental sigh of relief, Warrack attacked up the right side and gapped us all. I tried to bring him back, but it wasn't until the last ramp that his legs gave way, but Rohin had been hitching a ride and came storming past the pair of us.

After leaving Rohin and Jim out front for the steep early section of Mine Rd I decided to be the aggressor, punching hard on each of the little rollers that form the false flat top section, seeing who I could dislodge on the run over to Cottles bridge.

There were more hits on the way home, with Carters lane featuring me trying to shake off Rohin... but surprisingly given it was a bunch of 7 mountain bikers, the dirt climb up Shaws rd wasn't done with gusto. We rolled up the shady strip of gravel strewn hardpack, staring out over fields being kissed by the early morning rays of the sun, listening only to the dulcet tones of Grover complaining about everything.

Strava link.

D: 112.2km
A: 1,747m

PMPW: 88kg

Friday, 12 February 2016


CX Shenanigans:
Three days in a row on the skinny knobs, and I have zero post ride dissonance. I started the ride, like many of late, with almost zero confidence and thus zero ability to get my bike airborne. A few laps around the Kew pump track, pushing tyres into the turns, pumping the wheels down the back of woops, and I was seeing and hitting lines again. It feels like some kind of arcane magic, and if I could package it up in a way so I could include it in my pre cx race warmup, I'd be golden.

Like Wednesday, there was more sand than Tatooine, but thankfully the little pit at the top of the CX course only contained new lines, and not a sarlacc.

Strava link.

D: 36.2km
A: 423m


D: 13.4km
A: 66m

PMPW 87kg

Thursday, 11 February 2016


I really love my fridge, and it's not just that it contains delicious foods and an abundance of hotsauce... actually I'm not really sure why I love it so much, but when I open it, my face just lights up.

D: 31.3km
A: 269m

PMPW: 88kg

Wednesday, 10 February 2016


CX Shenanigans:
I've been jonsing for some dirt of late, to get a bit of slip and slide, to rekindle the joy of the bunnyhop, to maybe even get some claret to run down a shin and touch a sock... so I went for a ride on the dirt.

Given there was more sand on the trails than the Tour of Qatar that's currently running, sideways was guaranteed. Like always, when the back end wiggled, I giggled, and promptly forgot about power to weight, efficiency, and whatever else haunts my roadie dreams. When the front end slid, I squealed with joy like the tiny Canadian seeing a baby goat.

I didn't want it to end, maybe I could call in sick and head upriver to hans's... maybe beyond... but I'm pretending to be a responsible adult. Fake it until you make it, right?

Strava link.

D: 32.1km
A: 340m


D: 14.0km
A: 63m

PMPW: 88kg

Tuesday, 9 February 2016


St Hell-ena Tuesday:
Last week cycling clubs around Melbourne combined their calendars to create crit week. It is an important step in bridging the ridiculous "us vs them" mentality that occasionally goes on between 'rival' clubs, and while I didn't race a single one, I applaud the efforts made to highlight what everyone brings to the table.

Today was similar, but very very different. Ricktastic Tuesdays go in an anticlockwise direction, and approaches Pony club from the south/east. A rival Tuesday morning ride, let's call it the St Hel(l)ena loop, rolls in a clockwise direction and approaches Pony club from the north. It's way too much of a difference for there ever to be a reconciliation, so today when Rick, Ryan, Jase and myself went to do said St Hell-ena loop, it could only be described as a raid.

If things were nice and cordial, then why did one (and or all) of us attack every single climb first? Huh?!*

Anyway, a new Tuesday loop was a nice variation to our normal affair, additional raids are required to take all of their KOMs. They'd be welcome to try and raid ours as long as they promise to be slower than me.

Strava link.

D: 67.6km
A: 833m


D: 12.4km
A: 57m

PMPW: 88kg

* Yeah, it's possibly because we're a bunch of jerks who don't play nice with other people's toys.

Monday, 8 February 2016


After going January without sugar or booze, I've been toying with the idea of taking a break from coffee. I'm not sure what I'd replace a cup of joe with though, because tea is for mugs.

D: 14.4km
A: 65m

PMPW: 88kg

Sunday, 7 February 2016


Normally when I ride up Arthurs Seat, its in a 100km+ day in the saddle. It's a solid outing, and I get home feeling like I've accomplished something. I always ascribed that feeling of accomplishment to the climb itself, but now I'm not so sure.

You see I was down the peninsula to watch Chris Froome destroy the Herald Sun Tour on 3 repeats of the gruelling Arthurs Seat climb... but left feeling conflicted. It was pretty easy for me, rolling up in shorts and a t-shirt, chatting to Lonty and passing punters left and right.

No, seriously, the elite guys are freaks. Once again Froome isn't on Strava so I've only got blokes who podiumed to compare to. Let's go with Scott Davies, he set the 2nd fastest time ever (Canty has the KOM) with a 7:34. The best I've done is a 10:42. 3 minutes is ridiculous over a 3km climb, but let's grab some other numbers just to ram that fact home. I averaged 15.5 km/h where as our mate Scott ripped himself up the climb at 21.9km/h. Ok, that's considerable... so what does it take to achieve these times?! 440W. The difference is, my 441W had to push 86kg up the climb, Scott's 439W had to push 60-65kg. So to match him I either need to shed 23kg-ish, or generate another 160W of power.... and that still wouldn't be enough to go with Froome in his first race of the season.

PMPW: 88kg

Saturday, 6 February 2016


Hell Ride:
In a week where I quantified and personalised just how much faster the pros are, you'd think I'd have also learned not to get too cocky about my own fitness. Wrong... no right... today is still this week, but it was a delayed learning, and that was my point.

I hit Olivers and skipped clear of everyone, feeling pretty good about that, I was already mentally preparing for the rise up to/past Canadian Bay. It was on that rise that Smax hit the front and turned the screws. A gap formed and I knew it'd hurt to cover it, then I realised I wasn't covering it very well (or at all), then it was obvious that I had nothing extra... then nothing at all. Kabooom!

Right, so don't get too cocky.

Strava link.

D: 100.1km
A: 381m

PMPW: 87kg

Friday, 5 February 2016


St Kilda East - Coffee - Coffee - Coffee:
I looked up how fast the guys in the herald sun tour went up Myers Creek Rd yesterday, and even aftr putting 3 coffees into my face this morning, I don't think I could get to the top before they'd all showered, changed, and had a refreshing beer.

Seriously, I don't have delusions of turning pro, but it was bloody eye opening to realise that they were cracking on 10km/h faster than my best.

I still think I could keep up with their coffee drinking though.

Strava link.

D: 38.7km
A: 114m


D: 11.9km
A: 58m

PMPW: 85kg

Thursday, 4 February 2016


6am NRR:
I wasn't super excited this morning, yet somehow ended up rolling a few turns into the southerly. I did not that Josiah was rolling turns too, and though I was worried it was going to be ferocious from Mordi to Elwood, I was pretty excited about trying to flick the Commonwealth Games keirin gold medalist at full noise. I figured if riders pulled good hard turns, I could get him up to the mid 60's, then he'd come off the wheel and apply some braaap to crack 70km/h.

It was not to be though, which makes me pretty sad panda. As we rocked up to the Black Rock roundabout, I was deep in thought about whether I should be trying to hit everyone with the fury of 1,000 poorly trained chihuahuas, my back tyre lost all air. I assume it was the dodgy manhole cover that I didn't see, and this plowed straight through (and I couldnt find anything in my tyre), but 100psi should be able to deal with that sort of thing. Anyway I  slowed, and exited the back of the bunch, slightly worried that someone would collect me from behind, wishing I could put a hand up to at least signal it, but acutely aware that my tyre was squirming the rear end several inches side to side.

Strava link.

D: 44.0km
A: 166m


D: 23.7km
A: 118m

PMPW: 85kg

Wednesday, 3 February 2016


In the spirit of being a better human I went to buy a book today, but the shop assistant refused to tell me where the self help section was.

D: 27.4km
A: 141m

PMPW: 86kg

Tuesday, 2 February 2016


Ricktastic Tuesday:
I wanted to see how a reverse of our normal Tuesday would flow, and to use the issues that would cause at Fitzsimmons lane to try out the little foot bridge near Odyssey house. The bridge was nice, but even draped in fog, no one could be convinced to stop and instagram it.

As for the loop, it was was either Jase or Warrack that summed it up as "out on the quiet roads, back on the busy ones", a reverse of one of the main draws of our normal routing.

Anyway there were some good punchy hills on offer, and Warrack and a recently svelte Ryan Flynn ensured that there were no gimmies on offer before coffees were on offer.

Strava link.

D: 60.0km
A: 629m


D: 13.0km
A: 46m

PMPW: 87kg

Monday, 1 February 2016


When I was young, I wanted to grow up to be fast like milk. It's pasteurised before you even see it.

D: 26.6km
A: 146m

PMPW: 87kg